Success from the front seat - Questions to get you started

 I wanted to speak today from my teacher perspective, as well as from my role as a parent. I am sure that every parent of middle-school or high-school age students has experienced the following conversation at least once.

Parent: "How was school today?"

Student: "Fine" or "OK" or *grunt/shrug*

Parent: "What did you learn?"

Student: "I don't know." or "We reviewed."

Parent Perspective

Conversations such as this one can be quite discouraging. Unfortunately, many parents give up at this point, and communication never takes place. Radios get turned up or earphones are inserted and the child makes a bee line for their room upon arrival at home. How sad! My eldest child went through this phase. To be fair we rode in silence often due to behavior triggers with his younger brother...certain words would guarantee a meltdown that we preferred to avoid while on the roadway. After a few failed attempts at navigating past the script mentioned above, I decided to get more specific.  I would ask, "Tell me about homeroom." (wait for response) "What did you learn in first period? What was a key element in the lesson?" (allow response) and continue the pattern for each class. I also would ask, "Who did you sit with for lunch? What did you eat today? What made you laugh? Was there a stressful moment today or anything that made you feel uncomfortable? How did you support your friends today?"

At first my attempts were met with eye rolls, but as I persisted. Every day, I used the same script until he realized that not answering would not be an option.  He started responding slowly, and threw side eyes of curious disdain. Eventually he would climb in the car and start spilling the answers to the questions he had memorized. These conversations soon became our favorite moments together. The wonderful thing about talking in the car is that walking out on the conversation is not an option. My son learned that I was genuinely interested in what he was feeling and thinking. The communication spilled over to home. Still today, when he is really struggling with something, I can say, "Do you need a car ride?" He eagerly joins me. After a moment or two of silence, the conversations begin. I am so thankful for the relationship that we built back in sixth grade when I wouldn't take "fine" for an answer.

Teacher Perspective

Students today still long for this connection with adults. I have had students seek it out with me and my colleagues, but they desire it most from their family. As a teacher, I try to share in advance what my students will be learning each week. Parents may use this information to help form such questions with their student. "I see you are studying atoms this week. Tell me what surprised you about this topic. What areas are confusing to you?" I love when my students are asked to teach their parent how to solve a particular problem that they have learned in class. This opportunity to be the teacher helps to solidify the learning for the student and builds connection in the home, as well. The parent becomes part of the team in their child's education. Such a model offers the best hope of success for each student. 

When a parent does not show interest, the student sees them as an unnecessary element in that part of their life. Young people will seek validation from anyone who will show interest in them. How important it is that they feel valued by those who truly have their best interest at heart! Taking just a few minutes with a student each day to truly listen to their answers to specific questions about their day will enhance a relationship that can lead to deeper topics of conversation beyond the realm of academics.  I would caution at this point and ask that parents refrain from reacting in a problem-solving manner while they are listening. The child does not need us to solve the problems for them but to pray for them and support them through their own struggles. In this, they will build muscle and tenacity to face the trials ahead. A child who learns to value the opinion of their parent in intellectual matters will often be more willing to discuss spiritual questions, as well. Relationships allow us to share eternal matters. The challenge I pose this week is to ask more specific questions that your kids will want to answer. Teaching for the Master starts with reaching the child's heart. I look forward to hearing about your own success in the front seat.



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Who am I?

Image
 My name is Adina León. I am a wife and mother, an eldest sibling (of seven children), and a child of teachers. God has allowed me the privilege of teaching in multiple settings and states over the past twenty-seven years. In that time, I have taught every grade level and subject. My favorite subject is science which I teach currently. I love to show God's fingerprints throughout His creation and to build a sense of wonder and appreciation in my students.  My own children represent an array of learning styles which has alerted me to the need for varied approaches in instruction. I have two children who are gifted and extremely creative thinkers and two others who are on the autism spectrum (both severe and higher-functioning) who require a more consistent pattern and literal interpretation of concepts. Each learns in a unique way, but each also deserves to be taught in a way that allows them to be successful. This "homeschooling" I have received from them has greatly enha...
Read more

Making families feel welcome in the first month

Image
 Over the years, I have noticed a stark difference in the perceived interest of my students' parents based on their attendance at school events or responses to my emails. I have come to realize that their absence does not necessarily equate to disinterest. Often the families may simply be unable to attend another meeting due to already full family schedules or work commitments. Before jumping to conclusions, I need to have confirmed a preferred method of  contact for the parent and have made alternative meeting options a stated possibility.  I may not enjoy a phone call when the benefits of seeing facial expressions are so dear to me. However, if a phone call is the only time a parent has available, I need to start dialing. If a family is struggling to pay for gas, I shouldn't require their attendance at another event. I could send home a note or video message. The first contact opportunity should be as soon as possible with a genuine interest shared in the way their chil...
Read more

Engaging Families of High-school Students

Image
      In my years of experience, I have noticed a pattern when it comes to parent involvement at school events. Parents of elementary students tend to show up for every gathering, volunteer to help with class parties, send in needed supplies, and send in those needed coffee gift cards. In middle school, parents come to open house, meet the teacher, and email when the grades are posted. They tend to be less visible at functions around campus. Parents of high school students often are only seen at sporting events. There are those select few in each grade who tend to do everything. These moms (typically) help with class fundraising, food provisions for parties, and respond to every email.       Unfortunately, these few supermoms can often intimidate others from participating. some have expressed feelings of inadequacy when comparing their own capability with this uber parent. As a result, requests for parental support frequently go unmet. Having spoken wi...
Read more